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Saturday, July 27, 2013

Over coming Obstacles

        I have to tell you a little bit about my social anxiety so you can understand the accomplishment of over coming my obstacle.  You see I am living with this thing called Social Anxiety/Anxiety. It's something I have and have lived with and haven't dealt with every good since I can remember. And as a kid growing up with it back in elementary and middle school and even in high school was extremely hard.  I dropped out of high school and never graduated. Getting up in the front of the class to do presentations was so not happening and didn't.  So I didn't get very good grades in those classes.  Anyone who knows someone with it or has it themselves knows what I'm talking about and that it is so hard to live with and deal with. I get so frustrated with myself and at times even get pissed at not being able to do simple things like order food or pay for things at a store. Like other people. I can't even do phone calls. I have to have my mom or husband do it.  I don't even have my drivers license. So they have to drive me around. I know that it has to be hard on them as well as it is on me. I know they have to be getting really tired of always helping me out with something as stupid as a phone call. I know its hard on everyone. Makes me feel horrible that I have had to depend on them so much and I have depended on my mom for my entire life for everything. Never really even had a job. I know that I'm not the only one out there living with this. That there are people out there that understand all to well what I am talking about. I hate having it. Makes life so much harder. Why do I have to have it? Why can't my life be easier like everyone else's.

      Back then my mom really had no idea what it was exactly. She says now that if she would have known what she knows about it today that she would have done something back then when I was a kid. And would have gotten me the help I needed. I don't blame her for not knowing or not getting me any help. I didn't know what it was either. I was a kid. I live in a small logging town so its hard to find the right doctor for the right help. I have been to a couple doctors with no help. Good doctors are hard to find. And even still some of my family and friends don't get it and or understand.

    So here in my little town our library had a Teen Author Visit: Marissa Meyer she is the author of Cinder, Scarlet, The Lunar Chronicles series. It was quite fun and exciting that this famous author was coming to our library and would be standing in front of us talking and answering questions. So here I was at the library sitting in the front row listening to her tell us her story and her journey on writing and getting published. All very inspiring and impressive. After all the story telling and answering of questions she was going to sign our books. I stood in line got my book signed and left back out into the library. I walked back and forth back and forth to go back and ask if I could get my picture with her. I asked my husband to come with me so he could take the picture but I said never mind and walked away again. I don't know how many times I walked back to peek inside the room to make sure that the other kids and people who came to meet her were gone so I could get the courage to go up and ask her for a picture with her. But I did it. I finally asked her and got my picture taken. I am and was so proud of myself for it. I am sure she could feel and hear my heart pounding out of my chest as she stood there next to me. God I thought my heart was going to pound right out of my chest. Kinda embarrassing. But I did it. And my heart didn't stop pounding till I got home and relaxed some. ha, ha I will try and get my picture with Marissa Meyer up here soon. Having some trouble with sending it from my phone.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so glad that you were able to get a picture with her! I really wanted to also but was getting frustrated with Carson, ha ha. I definitely want to see it :D